Sh*t my bosses have said (in the last year)

Here are some choice quotes from three of my previous bosses. These have been giggle-inducing from the beginning and the type of material you’d find on the DVD extras of Silicon Valley. I welcome your most memorable boss-quotes in the replies section!

Never say you got your clothes from the clearance section.

More frontal is better.

You should date a social media marketer and you can exchange tips.

You should date an investment banker.

You’re Asian. You don’t play sports.

That’s basic English, Ace…

Jorax, what’s your update?

(My name is Joriz)

What’s your update, Regan?

(My name is Joriz)

You’re Asian. Where’s good dim sum here in LA?

*blank stare* …, what’s your update?

(My name is Joriz)

Why is it I can walk all over the guys I date?

I LOVE GLUTEN!

I’m not sure if you have too much on your plate or if you’re thinking, ‘Fuck you, I’m not doing this.’

Coworker: Boss, I’m going to visit my grandfather in hospice and will be out Monday driving from San Francisco to LA.

Boss: So, are you taking a half day or a full day off?

First… Thanks for dinner last week. I was savoring over your rib eyes.

[Referring to a coworker and I]

I don’t know such capable people could be so stupid and forget the lenses were supposed to retract.

Our CEO is mentoring me and he says I need to talk more like a guy and be more boastful.

What is the status of D in Box?

Have you guys read “A Horse Named Doodlebug”? You guys haven’t read “A Horse Named Doodlebug”?

There’s not enough whimsy.

[someone asked how her talk went. She forgot her lines and stumbled several times]

I killed it.

There is no budget.

[Looking at my slide deck]

Good thing you’re not on the design team.

Just some thoughts per last night… What are the super powers?

Imagine Nick in a Speedo.

Make it like SpaceX, but not like SpaceX.

We don’t do market research. This space is so new that people don’t know what they want or need.

Apple doesn’t do research.

I’m a vegetarian. I love sushi.

Boss: Can we add this for the website?

Coworker: There’s not enough time. We won’t make the deadline.

Boss: Stop being so dramatic.

[Referring to me]

I hate him.